


so long, and good night

by tyleephilia



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Bittersweet Ending, Discussions of Death and Dying, Just a Love Story, M/M, Maybe a bit Sad, Mind the Tags, Reapers, Reincarnation, because i love him so much and he looked so good, but i’ve been told this is cute!!!, grumpy old jaehyun does a 180, inspired by jaehyun’s reaper outfit from inkigayo, kind of experimental writing, reaper!jaehyun, taeyong is a joy, the meaning of life and other pretentious things, the title of this fic was almost “jaehyun’s midlife crisis: electric boogaloo”, this isn’t sad I promise
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-30
Updated: 2020-08-30
Packaged: 2021-03-06 15:00:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,820
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26190784
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tyleephilia/pseuds/tyleephilia
Summary: "I’m sorry, I’ve been so rude. Please let me fix it. My name is Lee Taeyong, but you already knew that. What's yours?""I do not remember."The one where a reaper's next assignment is one (1) Lee Taeyong who just refuses to die.
Relationships: Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun/Lee Taeyong
Comments: 3
Kudos: 68





	so long, and good night

_Thank you, my dear_

_You came, and you did_

_well to come: I needed_

_you. You have made_

_love blaze up in_

_any breast—bless you!_

_Bless you as often_

_as the hours have_

_been endless to me_

_while you were gone._

_— Sappho_

A rush of wind, and the flutter of pristine white curtains.

Spring,

"Oh. Hello. Have you come to take me away?"

"......"

"... Hi?"

"... You can see me?"

“Shouldn’t I?"

"No one has ever seen me. Not until they've died."

"Oh... am I dead?"

"No."

A sigh of relief.

"But... You’re here to kill me?"

"I do not take lives. I only come to reap. To guide."

"I see. And people don’t see you until they’re ready and itching to move on?"

"Yes."

"That's... sad. But I’m not quite ready to go yet, mister...?"

"... Then I shall come back tomorrow."

, 

"Am I dead?"

"No."

"Dying, then. Fancy a conversation with a dying man?"

"I don’t talk to souls, Lee Taeyong." 

"Why not?"

".... Why would I."

"Sit, please, sir."

"Very well."

, 

"Am I dead yet?"

"I am certain you could tell by now if you were."

"I feel like I am."

, 

"Today, my mother brought me violets. I’m not sure she knows what they mean… I mean, I’m still here, aren’t I? Vegetating in the hospital, unable to breathe without a machine, sure, but I’m still here."

"..."

“Do they think I’m gone already?"

, 

"Don't you think it's unfair?"

"I'm not sure what you mean."

"For us humans. We are born only to die."

"......"

"I don't want to go. I'm not ready to go."

, 

“Aren’t you bored of waiting for me?”

“The only thing I do is wait.”

, 

"I’m sorry, I’ve been so rude. Please let me fix is. My name is Lee Taeyong, but you already knew that. What's yours?"

"I do not remember."

"What do you mean?"

"Reapers have no need for names. But we had ones before."

"Before what?"

"Before we died."

"... You were human?"

"As all reapers were, yes."

"Are there a lot of you?"

"... Not really. The last time I crossed paths with another... Maybe before those little flying helltrap carriages in which you people ride were invented. I do not care to remember."

"... Are you lonely?"

"Why do you keep saying that."

"Well… only my mother and sister come visit me. And they come almost every day but I still feel lonely when they're not here. So... are you lonely?"

“......”

, 

"My mom cried again today."

"Why are you telling me this?"

"I don’t really get a lot of conversation, as you can see. But I want to talk to you, even if my topics might be a bit boring for you."

"They are not."

A laugh, like a tinkling bell. "Okay."

, 

"I’m sorry for making you come all this way every night. You must be busy."

"I am."

"I’m sorry."

"I don't... mind, Lee Taeyong. Take your time."

"Thank you."

, 

"You seem so familiar, and not just because you come visit me every night."

"... What do you mean?"

"I feel like I’ve seen you before."

"Is that what your century calls a.. ‘pick-up’ line?"

"What? No— Wait, oh my god. Oh my god. You joked."

"I never joke."

"Oh my god." Then, laughter, like Taeyong hasn’t had in a while.

A quiet smile in return, with dimples showing, on a reaper sent to lead Taeyong to the afterlife.

Taeyong shakes his head in disbelief, still chuckling. “God, this is so surreal."

, 

"Are past lives a thing?"

"... They have been theorized to exist, yes."

"I remember you. In my dreams, I think."

"What do you see?"

"You, crying over my body. And then... someone else comes and leads me away."

"... I'm sorry. I don’t remember you."

"That's okay."

"But I do know you."

A smile, again. It is night, but it feels more like day to Jaehyun.

, 

"Just a little bit more, I promise."

Silence. Taeyong looks at his mother sleeping on the couch, waiting for a son who won't wake up.

, 

"I have a silly wish, Mr. Reaper. I hope you'll never have to feel lonely again."

"I do not think it is silly."

"No? I know how it feels, and I know that you feel it and you might keep doing so, even long after I'm gone."

"I feel far from lonely with you."

Another smile, like a reward for honesty.

"I’m glad. I do, too."

, 

"A little kid got lost and wandered into my room today. I think she... saw me? Weird. I smiled at her, but she ran off. Must've gotten scared."

"Children are always more attuned to things that adults have grown too cynical to see. Do you like children, Lee Taeyong?"

"Yes, I do. I dreamt a lot about having one or maybe two someday, raise them like my mom raised me, maybe."

"... I'm sorry."

"What are you even sorry for? Lighten up."

, 

"You know, I didn’t think I would ever be in this situation. I used to be a nurse."

"I can see that. From what I know of you, you’re the kind of person who would spend everyday trying to make everyone else feel comfortable but yourself."

"Don’t flatter me."

"It's less of a compliment and more of an insult."

"Ha ha, you’re hilarious."

, 

"I'll miss them."

"... Where you'll go, I hear there would be no more room for you to suffer or long for earthly things."

"That sounds... lonely. Isn't that part of what makes life so colorful?"

"Perhaps. I wouldn’t know. Everywhere I am sent to, all I see is grief and pain."

“Then you’re not looking hard enough.”

, 

"Someone like you doesn't deserve this."

"Now, you can’t possibly say that. You must have seen and met a lot like me already."

"No. No one like you."

"Oh..."

"....."

"..... I’m scared. May I hold your hand, please?"

"..... Yes."

Summer,

"This morning, I escorted the souls of an old couple who went together."

"You're talkative today."

"Is that bad?"

"No, I like it. Please."

"Very well. They were... curious. When I arrived, the woman was still alive. She had her arms around the corpse of her husband, looking at him dearly, not knowing that he was sitting right beside her. They waited for each other and watched each other, before she closed her own eyes hours later."

A sigh. "Sounds romantic."

"It is not."

"But it is. To love each other so dearly, that death did not part them? That's wonderful."

"... Do you really believe so?"

"Yes. If I were the man, I would’ve stayed for as long as I could."

"Souls can’t stay on earth for too long. They eventually get lost, or lose their minds from horrors they shouldn’t see. I would have reaped the man before her had she taken days, or weeks, to die. It all depends on how much a wandering soul like him can take."

"Is that what you're here for? To make sure they don't lose their way?"

"Yes."

"That's very noble."

"Not really. It is a job that I did not choose."

, 

"Does your job let you travel?"

"Yes. Everywhere."

"Tell me."

"... I went to Paraguay once, to guide the soul of an evangelist. He did not quite believe what he was seeing."

"Hah. To be fair, he probably thought he'd be seeing Jesus Christ."

"I must have been a disappointment."

"Oh, I don’t know. You're quite a sight, Mr. Reaper."

, 

"I dreamt again last night, after you left. I think I really do know you? … Jaehyun?"

"... Oh."

"Jaehyun."

"... Yes. That was... my name. I remember it now."

A sigh of relief, of being right, of knowing he wasn’t making up memories he couldn’t explain.

"I’m glad."

A kiss, softly placed on held hands, in exchange for the gift of name.

“Thank you, Taeyong."

, 

"The doctor says I might never wake up."

"I see."

"We already knew that."

"We did, yes."

, 

"You must think me selfish."

"Humans are naturally like that."

"Jaehyun."

A sigh. "I think. People like you could stand to be more selfish."

"And if being selfish meant staying to hurt the people around me?"

"Be as selfish as you want, Lee Taeyong."

, 

"Tell me more about your travels."

"Of course. What do you want to hear about?"

"Well, I've always wanted to go to Greece?"

“Very well. There was this woman, a poet, and she loved and loved without restraint…”

, 

"I feel so guilty, Jaehyun. I’m... just here. I know they can’t hear me, but I can’t help but keep trying to talk to them."

"Do you have regrets?"

"I have so much I want to tell them. I wish I told them I loved them more. I wish I spent more time with them and on myself. I wish I didn’t realize so many things so late."

"I’m sorry."

"You dork, why do you keep saying that? What about you? Any regrets?"

"From my human life? I do not remember."

"From this one, then."

"... You made me realize this. But I wish I did not take things for granted. Life is so fleeting, but there is so much that humans know and live through that I do not know about. If I were given the chance to do it all over again, I would treat every story, every person with the care and curiosity that they deserve."

“That doesn’t sound like you, Mr. I’m-Grumpy-And-Hate-People-Grrrr.”

“I— Well, I did say I learned it from you. Did I really sound like that?”

A laugh.

"No, I’m just teasing you. What about doing that from now on?"

"Of course. But then you won't be here anymore."

, 

"May I hold your hand?"

"Asking me this when I've asked to hold yours every night for months already? Are you getting shy on me now, Mr. Reaper?"

"... Because you're special, Taeyong."

, 

"My sister asked my mom to let me go today."

"Why?"

"It's hurting her. Both of them."

"I see. Are you ready to go?"

Taeyong looks at him.

"No, not quite yet."

, 

"I remember more. I think you lost me. And now you’ve found me again, here."

"Yes. It was...."

Squinting. A focused crinkle of his eyes and he's so _beautiful_ to Taeyong.

"... my fault. I think."

"How?"

"I was stupid enough to take your life for granted. I couldn’t... protect you."

"What happened?"

"I do not know. I just know what they told me after. I killed people. Innocent lives. Hundreds, maybe, for what happened to you. And they said... They said, I have to serve for as long as those people would have lived, had I not taken their lives from them. The years I’ve taken, all of them, as the length of my sentence.”

"Jaehyun..."

"I’m sorry. If your past life had been even half as radiant as you are now, I know that is not what you would have wanted. But I didn’t mind this, Taeyong. I deserve this. It felt less like punishment and more like... justice."

"Didn’t mind?"

"No, I didn’t. But. To let me find you, only to take you away again... maybe that is my real punishment. And it is as cruel and unkind as I had once been."

, 

"May I kiss you?"

"Asking first? what a gentleman."

"..."

"Why do you look so adorable when you're frowning? Yes. Please, Jaehyun. I would’ve begged if you had taken longer to ask."

, 

"Jaehyun."

"Hm?"

"Do you think I’m being stupid?"

"What for?"

"For holding on for so long. Aren’t I just hurting them? My mom and my sister?"

"... I don’t have the answer to that."

"Okay."

"You have something on your mind."

"It's not just them... there's you too. If I go, who will you have?"

A fond smile, and dimples again.

"Even at your deathbed, you worry over others."

A pout. A reassuring kiss on his palm.

“I will be fine, Taeyong."

A lie.

"I have been fine for millenia."

And another.

, 

"Jaehyun."

A welcoming smile.

"... When my name falls from your lips, there is a peace that expands in my chest until every noise I hear and every worry I have are gone and replaced by the sound of your voice."

Taeyong looks away, hiding his growing flush and trying not to laugh.

"Flatterer. But going to Greece doesn’t make you a poet.”

, 

"I’m tired."

"I know."

"It hurts so much."

"I know."

It's the first time Taeyong expresses this.

, 

"Taeyong."

"Yes?"

"I loved you. I don’t remember you, exactly, but I remember how it felt to hold you. It felt like this."

"You're just squeezing my hand."

"Yes. Exactly like this. I do not want to be anywhere else. I do not need anything more."

"... Oh, wow, that’s pretty. Have I told you how your smile is the most beautiful thing I’ve seen in this lifetime, Jaehyun? And probably all of them."

"Now, who’s the flatterer?"

"Heh, did you know your ears turn red when you're flustered?"

"They do not."

"Noooo, don’t cover them with your hat! They so do, you baby."

, 

"Jaehyun?"

"Yes, beloved?"

A blush, painting a pretty red on a perfect canvas. Jaehyun adores him.

"When I go, what will you do?"

"Hm… I might travel, perhaps. See the places you wanted to see."

"Silly. Don’t you already do that?"

"No, I wish to really see; through the way you talk of it, with so much wonder and excitement and love."

"Oh… Well, when you go to Italy, take pictures of everything for me.”

A tilt of the head, a soft brush of Jaehyun’s hair against Taeyong’s cheek.

“Pictures?”

“Ugh. Come on, don’t act like a grandpa now. I know that you know what Instagram is.”

, 

“Jaehyun?"

"Hm?"

"... Jaehyun, I think I love you. Is that too fast? Is that weird?"

"... Only as weird as befriending a reaper or being born twice."

"Pffft. Keep smiling and blushing like that and you might just make me stay forever, angel."

Fall,

“They've let me go."

"Oh."

, 

"... Will you follow me, Jae? When your time is up?"

"If I am allowed, my love."

"I hope so. You’ve done so well, angel."

, 

“Can I not go?”

“Taeyong, I told you—”

“I heard what you said, and I hate it.”

, 

"They'll be fine without me, right?"

"Yes. Humans are much stronger than you think."

, 

"I’ll miss you. I’ll wait for you."

"Where you'll go—"

"Yes, I know, no room for pain and all that. But I _will_ miss you. I will remember you every single second and think of your hands, your smile, your lips, how beautiful and perfect you are."

"That's... the only thing I could ever ask for."

"... Ugh, Jae."

"Taeyong—"

"Why are you crying, you big baby? Come here."

"I just—"

"I know, angel... I love you too. So you better finish up here quickly."

, 

“Taeyong… you need to go soon.”

"... Okay. Next week. I’ll be ready. I promise."

"...."

".... I'm sorry for leaving you first again, angel."

"...."

"Jaehyun?"

"Yes?

"Will you hold my hand?"

"For as long as you want. Forever, if you so wish."

, 

"This is it?"

"Yes. Is it not quite what you were expecting?"

"No, not really. I thought there'd be more light? Choirs of angels? At least some stairs— Don’t laugh! I genuinely thought…"

“What, darling?”

“Well, I don’t know. A guy can dream.”

“...”

“You know, I kind of hoped there would be some divine mercy or intervention or something, and an actual angel would walk down the grand stairs of heaven and say, ‘Oh Jaehyun, your time is up. You can go with your fucking soulmate if you want and go live happily ever after.’ But I guess that’s too much to ask those jerks for, huh?”

“I do not mind waiting, as long as I know there will be you at the end, my love.”

“But you don’t, Jaehyun. What happens? After your punishment ends?”

“... I don’t know.”

“See? This is. This is unfair, and cruel, and—”

"Taeyong, look at me.”

“...”

“You have no idea of the joy you brought me. Rather than a punishment, I think you are my mercy.”

“Jae…”

“I will never be lonely with the memory of you in my heart, coloring my every thought and sight. I’ll carry you with me. I’ll see you everywhere. I promise you that for as long as you remember me, I will remember you. And even if you grow tired of waiting, I never will. I love you. Always. Forever. "

A pause, and lips, gentle, soft, and everything else they want to say.

Breaths mingling together, frozen in time to a beat that will never end.

"... Jaehyun. Do you think, if it was possible, you could find me again?"

"Beloved, you are a beacon. I would find you no matter where you go."

"That… Okay. I love you so much. I'll hold you to that, okay?"

"Then I shall promise you that."

"Thank you. Then... See you there, Jaehyun."

"I’ll see you anywhere, Taeyong."

.

.

.

Winter,

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Spring,

“Oh. Hello. Have you come to relieve me?”

.

.

.

**Author's Note:**

>   
> Thank you for reading!! I haven't written anything in years and this is my first NCT fic, so it just HAD to be JY. I wanted to write something that would emulate the fleeting nature of both love and life and how both are wonderful despite the losses accompanying them, and I hope I conveyed that well with these quiet and lonely snippets from their Jaeyong's nights together. If you can, please leave a kudos or comment!! <3
> 
> Much thanks to [fromaseance](https://archiveofourown.org/users/fromaseance/pseuds/fromaseance) for proofreading this and making it much more decent than the initial draft. She has the best insight and comments and suggestions a fic writer could ever want, and I'm so thankful. Aaaand she's actually offering commissions and proofreading services right now so go to her [twitter](http://twitter.com/lotsofbluejaes) if you're interested!
> 
> Also fromaseance, at 2 A.M., right after reading this: I AM ONCE AGAIN ASKING. CAN YOU, SAY, FUCK A REAPER?  
> To that my answer is... that is their business away from our prying eyes, amen.
> 
> (I have a [twitter](https://twitter.com/tyleephilia)!)


End file.
